Who are you and why are you doing this?

I was asked this question and this really confronted me deeply.  To give you an example of my day, I get up and get my little girl off to playschool every morning. I sit behind this computer and hour or two ( or  until my tail bone screams for mercy). As a terminal cancer patient, which some days needs help getting dressed and bathed. I am on a much slower pace of finishing or editing a post.

Blogging has become a part of my life, and it filled a gap the day my now 3 year old went off to playschool. I finally had time to hunt for Internet bargains, read up on child development, and naturally investigate travel opportunities. These things have nothing to do with the theme of my  cancer blog, but I post about them just the same. Who am I? a blogger.

Who I am I in your cancer world? I am a chemo patient that has had more than 100 chemos race through my veins. And today I am starting a new combo CMF, old but new again. I am back to square one. The doc is desperate enough to try everything again from scratch. I started with 5FU and there it was yesterday hanging from the pole like an old friend you haven’t seen in a while. A twist on the FEC is the C in CMF. The mystery M is in pill form which causes your hair to fall out and I was just getting past my peach-fuzz and getting the Albert Einstein look. The difference is I never stick my tongue out for photos. I have lost a good deal of my vanity due to cancer. (and that is not a bad thing)

I am the baby sister to 3 living brothers and one sister.  I am about to be a great aunt while in my 40’s.  I have lived through family tragedy of a brother suddenly overcome in a car accident, and declared dead on arrival. To this end my perspective on life is very day to day, living life to the fullest and has been for a very long time.  The reality that death can strike at anytime is not news to me.

I am “stoer”  a dutch word ( I am dutch/American) -there is no equivalent in English expect for robust and tough kind of mixed together. Softer than the word tough and stronger than the word robust.   I tend to weather storms, but emotionally less easy than physically. I have a high tolerance for pain, but an extremely low tolerance for emotional pain. I was always labeled sensitive. Being pest-ed by family members as a child gave me a thick skin as an adult which I am grateful for today, but I still get pretty worked up over things.

I am a God fearing individual. I believe in the power of prayer or I would not still be standing. I know that God’s grace is what keeps me on this earth to nurture my child and love my husband/family. This is resolute.

I am also extremely lucky person who has loving friends surrounding me with support when things don’t look any worse than they can, I am rescued by a phone call/email or a visit/comment.


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