just home from the hosptial

Just wanted to keep family and friends up to date that I was in the hosptial for some new scans and “observation”.

I opened my big mouth about numbness in my lips and sent off the alarm bells! Neuropathy! Big word that means your nervous system can not stop the tingling or comand that part of your body.

For now I am under heavy drugs and happy pills and will get more news next week on when my radiation will occur.

I will keep everyone up to date as soon as I know more.

Not feeling tired, cherishing the moment

It is almost 2 am and I am still hearing the neighbor upstairs milling around. He is awake for the same reason I am. There is someone playing Romeo outside our windows.  Every once in a while I heard a car horn going off. At first I thought it was an alarm, but I realize it was not fast or even in a set pattern.  No, it was a young couple apparently having a lovers spat and the car owner trying to persuade the local resident to come have a chat in the car.

The night moved on to light discussions out of the window, and a small pleading session to the young attractive girl.

We all just watched and wondered where the time has gone when you got cajoled to come have a talk at 2 am.

As my little miracle reminded me today that I was old. I just had to laugh. I was over the 40.  That was something.

Today my Mother is officially 80, to me that is old and I hope to have a long way to go.  As a terminal cancer patient I’d be joyous if I lived that long, but instead I cherish every moment I have even if I have been woken from my sleep to watch  a modern day Romeo and Juliet, or hear that I am over the hill.. Just honored.

pictures are promised

The new addition to the family is Wyatt Jonathan  weighing in at 6 pounds 12 ounces and 19 inches long. I guess I need to update the header which was Carla and Jon’s wedding to add their new addition to our lives.  Best wishes to the happy parents, I am still waiting for more photos.

Just got back from diner with the parlementarian and his wife

Old college mates of my hubby, we went out for a bit of Peking duck and other assorted Chinese rice tables. I was particularly run down because we had already visited Grandmother and have been trapped in a car for more than 4 hours.  My little one was impressing everyone with her new American Cheerleader moves she learned from one of her cousins, and being a bit of an ants in the pants.

We were not overly frolic after the long  journey to see Grandmother, but there was a glimmer of excitement as we took a big break away from everything and went skating.  Someone a hundred years ago or so,  got the idea to fill his farm  field in with water and watch it freeze making a perfect ice rink,  that you can’t fall into.  Also an amazing money maker was born.  For a lousy 3 euro we went out on a personal quest to enjoy the winter as much as possible.

After several hours and frozen fingers we got a round of hot chocolates and a we deserved bag of chips and headed back to the big city with a proud father after the wheel of the car, happy to share a childhood experience with his child. This was really the first time in a long time that I am looking forward to going back, and watching those two make fools of themselves as I watch from my inside perched position at a window next to a heater.

As we shared our joys and simple pleasures with the parliamentarian and his wife and by the look on their faces, we knew,  how those small moments easily slip away and can never be recaptured.  I made a vow to have more of those “life” moments. I guess you could say it is my new years resolution.  Weight loss can wait, special  life moments can’t.

Greetings out zeeland

I have what my grandfather explained to me when he was in his hospital bed waiting for the Lord to take him– Tired eyes. I am just resting my eyes was one of Pappy’s favorite sayings.

I have not had a decent night sleep because my little girl is under the weather. She acts great but once the night falls, clingy and demanding become the tired behavior. Let me tell you that my child is not a clinger, and I rarely have seen her hide behind my legs to strangers. So when she clings there is only one reason,  a cold is settling in her tiny little body.  As we spent time on the rocking chair or in the bed, we made up songs and I made up stories with my tiny angel as the lead character.  Here is one of her chorus lines. 

” Walking in the morning,

you come back, (come back) to you and me,

Raining in the night

you are my rain, rain rain rain on me”

I thought that was pretty creative for a 3 year old.

We go to bed early knowing we will spend a greater part of the day on our bikes. I am glad as well as grateful fo this small vacation from the hectic life we lead in Amsterdam. Even my 3 year old is starting to have play dates an a social life.

I am looking forward to:  eating a bolus: a sticky bun / monkey bread with a warmed up milk and pure chocolate kisses dropped in to make hot chocolate from our favorite baker, then off to buy pumpkins for carving and later in the day poffertjes with ice cream. I bought a walking path map that I plan to get full use out of by walking utterly in circles around the dunes. I think I could get quite use to island living. Walking in circles clears the mind of junk and focuses on the task of renewing the spirit which we all need in this day and age.

I made another hand made book

Not a scrap book, but a small pen and ink  book that my little girl can color in and have a keep sake later of her adventures with her mother.  I wrote one earlier about what would roughly happen for my brother’s wedding, where she was the flowergirl.  See her pedal on the finger photo above. But this time it was about missing her Papa and visiting friends. We invited, our american friends to our beach house for 3 glorious days of beach, bike riding, and horseback. This is her favorite stable horse Banjo.

This naughty little shetland pony would rather eat grass than give her a ride, but my little one does not seem to mind the frequent stops when catching up means she gets to gallop once and a while. She truly has her mother’s love for speed, and galloping horse I could not get enough of when I was healthy ( with out cancer)

We made it through another day

Call me a push over if you will but I am giving my babysitter a second chance. I am waiting for her to call me back because she has been sick for over a week.  I made arrangements with my new found friend to visit Tun Fun again to pass the time away. The real problem is that I had physical therapy scheduled at my house at 5, not ideally at 6 when Tun Fun is closed. This problem haunted me for the first few hours, how was I going to pull my darling off the trampoline and have her listen to me when it was time to go? I was in preparation mode all day saying things like : honey when I call you to leave you must come out and put your jacket on and get ready to go with me.

But about an hour before we needed to go my love-buginvites my new friend and her whole family to our house. I tell them it really no trouble because I was just planning to warm up a pizza from the freezer and make toasted cheese sandwiches as a back up plan. 

Let me tell you that it was the easiest time getting out of that indoor playground than I could have even imagined. Not only for me but for the other mother. With such relief we were puttering on our way all stacked into my silly little car and having a whole hour to get settled before my PT arrived. Tea was made, pizza was in the oven…video was running and everyone was content.

We baked apples even got icecream from the freezer with a scoop of marshmallow fluff for some added fun.  Do you live your life so spontaneously? We made it through another day without the babysitter with flying colors thanks to a little help from a new friend.

Going Pink because Pink Rocks!

I was just getting dressed, no let me restate, I was being dressed by my 3 year old. She picked out a pink shirt, blue sweat pants, ( don’t have pink yet or she would have color coordinated) and grabs from my table my pink ribbon power bracelet. I was shocked to see her hand me something I have not worn in months, but now I don’t think I am ever taking it off again. 

I am not going to complain about pink items for sale or how sick I am of hearing about breast cancer awareness.   No, I am proud to wear my pink because Pink Rocks! If I can make one person more aware of breast cancer then I have achieved my private goal of one new person a day that will get checked and face the facts that one out of 8 women get breast cancer.

I will not complain that star power brings light to this very heavy subject, thank you Sheryl Crow, Susan Applegate, bless you for going on Oprah and using your star power for good of the breast cancer cause. I too have a star on stand up 2 cancer, just type in Weatherly PA and look for my star to donate to Research that is desparately needed.

I might not have the strength to run a marathon for the sake of cancer, but I am sure if I could  I would!

If you want to participate Here is a list to get you started!

YSC Events and News   Hershey’s Tour de Pink 2008 Hits the Road Friday, October 3rd  more than 150 dedicated riders have been training and fundraising for months and all their hard work and preparation will be put to the test on the road when the Hershey’s Tour de Pink kicks off at Chocolate World in Hershey, PA on Friday, October 3rd. There will be plenty of opportunities to cheer the riders during their 3-day rider to New York City, so please visit the Hershey’s Tour de Pink Route Page for specific information on where to find our rolling sea of pink. Teleconference: Advances in the Treatment of Breast Cancer - Tuesday, October 7th, 1:30-2:30 p.m. (ET) This teleconference is presented by CancerCare in partnership with YSC and will feature: Edith A. Perez, MD, Professor of Medicine, Mayo Clinic, Director, Cancer Clinical Study Unit and Breast Cancer Program, Division of Hematology and Oncology, Chair, Breast Cancer Committee, North Central Cancer Treatment Group Generosa Grana, MD, Director, Breast Cancer Program, Cooper Hospital, UMC, Associate Professor of Medicine, University of Medicine & Dentistry of New Jersey, Robert Wood Johnson School of Medicine Patricia Spicer, MSW, Breast Cancer Program Coordinator, CancerCare For this teleconference, register online at the CancerCare website.                                                                                                                                                                       High Heel Hike – Saturday, October 11th Strap on your stilettos ladies … it’s coming … the 2nd Annual High Heel Hike™ is the most outrageous and glam 1K “strut” in south Florida. Fabulous divas of all ages, shapes and shoe sizes will glam it up to help raise money for Young Survival Coalition and the Breast Cancer Network of Strength.  Jules Burt, America’s Pop-Art Diva, will host the most outrageous event in high heel history. Registration is $25 and includes a decadent swag bag for all participants. For more information or to register, please visit www.highheelhike.com. Check out last year’s photos here. The Fort Lauderdale High Heel Hike will take place on Saturday, October 10, 2008. Registration begins at 11:00 a.m. The event will take place on Las Olas Blvd. at Southeast 9th street.

Breast Cancer Community Events and News

Going Solo- babysitter is sick on a day I get chemo

It happens now and again when your support help system breaks down. My babysitter has called in sick, and my au-pair has a full study rooster.

I truly believe I have the strength to “go Solo” today. I just have to take it easy and buy take out after my chemo treatment today.  Our hospital supplies free daycare while you are getting your treatment. The kids have an indoor race track and 4 wheel bikes with a steering wheel. They don’t even notice the time, because they are having so much fun.

I am reassured that my child is getting special attention while I am getting my chemo. The key is to be done with chemo before they close at 4:30pm.  With a 2 pm appointment that my hubby cannot attend ( we usually get a lunch appointment.) I am racing against the clock today. Worse case scenario is that I have to ask someone from my department to ride the elevator with me and help me pick up my child while still attached to my drip / intravenous pole.

I don’t believe I have ever let my little girl see me attached to the pole, but I do believe she is old enough to realize I am sick and can handle the shock of seeing the medicine in liquid form. She has already seen me give myself a shot and has adjusted to that situation as being normal.

So taking it easy is the theme, order take out chinese and eat pancakes for lunch at the hospital. It’s a plan.

A meant to be- free will or fate

Philosophers discuss free will or fate all the time, but I am on the fence about whether my sickness or my daily routine was my fate. But yesterday two thing reminded me that maybedefinately God is playing a roll in my life. This is how it began, and how it was confirmed.

Any time we are off plan in my life, wonderful, God-driven things happen to me. Preschool was cancelled due to a medical emergency of the teacher’s kid, broken leg was the rumor. Plan B was to go to TUNFUN which is an indoor playground only until my princess’ little gym lesson. But before we knew it the time passed us by and there was really know justifiable reason to be late to the gym, so I called it off. That very instant a couple with two children come into our area with the soft benches and tells the mother in english “Look Mommy :she is sewing. The mothers in unison say “it’s knitting”. Well it does not take long for a conversation about America and what are you doing in Amsterdam occurs. While my student/nanny gets an icecream for my child we settle in to find her boy is as active as my little 3yrold girl. Next thing we know they are like two monkeys, and mine has him in a head lock, and later … he has her in a half nelson. Neither of them seem to mind the rough play. Thank you God for high pain tolerance that she inherited from me.

Then the man got down to actual questions.  Do you know of a good realestate firm? Where can I get a decent hair cut for under 50$,  There is no Supercuts in Amsterdam, 20 Euros is the going rate. I gave him a few websites to get him looking for housing and the  name of my friend who is a realestate broker and a good physical therapist.

I believe it was truly meant to be that we meet because of us being not diligent about the time frame and staying the rest of the day at the TunFun. We even exchanged a good icecream store not far from our house.

How do I know this was fate? Here is my confirmation. I went on the internet to check my e-mails, with the intention of inviting them to do something again on Thursday or Friday.  I also quickly checked my blog to see an entry that had been “mis-scheduled”.  It was about a piece of blog that should have occurred before, and I guess my finger hit between the 2 an the 3 making a 23 instead of a 3 for the date of posting.

This post would have just been ignored… But the confirmation is that We received a mail for another position from the Queen, just as my blog had predicted would happen that day. Both my Nanny and I got the chills. You may philosophize until the cows come home, but I believe to day was a fate day- a meant to be day. A celestine prophecy kind of day.