I beat cancer

That was the comment I got from my limo driver in America. Everyone asks me about my neck brace hoping to hear a happy ending. I said I have got cancer and it is inoperable in my neck bones therefore I wear a exoskeleton brace. He jumps right in and says he was a chain smoker who quit and 2 year later they found Cancer in his voice box and has been a survivor for 5 years.

I wonder if I am jealous. Not only of him but of others who have beat this dreaded disease. Am I so self centered that I wish for it to just go away some days? Or have the glory to say, yes I beat it!

Instead I get to watch every 3 months on a scan that cancer is slowly but surely eating away at me. One nibble at a time. I am grateful that the cancer is progressing slowly and I have much capability considering I have stage 4 cancer and there is no stage 5, unless you call death stage 5.

Or am I jealous because I would love to be the person that goes on those survivor walks, and raise money for the cause and to think about it as a bad dream in the distant past and to help others to get through this breast cancer. I want to say I am free of it! My reality slaps me in the face and i say that day will never come. “Don’t look back you can never look back” Don Henley- summer of 69

look very carefully to 3yrold’s finger

Cancer is like that petal that is about to drop. You have to live in these moments, because they are gone in an instant. I just changed the header to reflect the love of my brother’s wedding. It might not stay on the site long, but it is constant reminder to me to live in the instance. Live for the single moment that does not cost money or produce a result. It just is a moment in time that needs to be cherished like music and laughter.